I HAVE NEVER SELF-HARMED PERSONALLY...
But I have helped a lot of people who do...
Never say to me, that if a person hasn't walked in your shoes they can't know how to help you heal...
This is an un truth, for it is truly seeing from the outside what someone is going through that has helped many, people in tragedy or trauma cannot see how bad it is from their own perspective.
What causes self-harm, by Inkanna Artisia Fluencia (my new pseudonym)
#1 Trauma
#2 Disassociation
#3 Lack of empathy
#4 Low self-efficacy
#5 The inability to think you need or deserve to be cared for
#6 The lack of knowledge to know how to self-sooth or self-care
#1. When someone experiences trauma and this is not trauma defined by any one other than the person experiencing it (very important to note - My "Stubbed Toe Theory" [copyright] explains this best - coming out in my self-heal theory book soon - don't undermined or under play someone else's pain or suffrage, words like its not that bad, you'll get over it....actually impact the trauma.
They don't know how to handle this, if they have good interventions, with positive messages, this can be resolved, if they have bad interventions with negative messages, they sink into a pit of despair and it can take endless time to recover, if they ever do.
#2. This trauma when neglected or not understood can cause someone a multitude of mental health but prolonged or negatively managed trauma or unresolved and repeated trauma can cause disassociation, to escape the pain of complex trauma one will need to disassociate to survive...you no longer feel alive or here, this can last as long as the complex trauma remains an unresolved issue.
#3. The lack of empathy, that you give yourself and other respond to you with, further impacts this...if you don't notice or care you have been hurt and others don't notice or care you have been hurt and worse yet, the pain inflicted keeps happening and still no one seems to care, even if you have reached out to get help and those you reached out to did not respond empathetically you feel isolated, alone, uncared for even convincing yourself it, and you are not important - with disassociation this is more toxic than it is alone. YOU CAN START TO WONDER IF YOU ARE HERE, if you matter, if anyone cares.
#4. This becomes a new low in low-self-esteem and self-efficacy, you now start excepting it doesn't matter, your not worth it and no one including you cares - this is called walking into the "Cave of Darkness" [copyright] it is a very dark place, where you are not safe, not alone or with others, you stop caring about existing and start seeing more opportunities for escapism - you may get involved in Substance use (heavily) your may start participating in risk behaviour (to a detrimental level) you may start to use, joke or practice self harm ideation...YOU MAY PARTICIPATE OR PRACTICE SELF HARM ATTEMPTS
#5. This attributes to an inability to think you need or deserve to be cared for...this is "Point Zero" [copyright] the meter on your self-worth clock has taken it's final dip into despair...getting up from this is like climbing out of an oil slick hole..in the dark, with a heavy weight tied around your neck...walking through the cave in the dark with no light to guide you has found you in this pit of despair, that feels like endless and impossible to climb out of, IF YOU THINK NO ONE CARES AND YOU DON'T CARE FOR YOURSELF - YOU FEEL HOPLESS.
Last insight...
#6. People born of trauma "Born in Blood" [copywrite] are conditioned to carry a "Crap Bag" [copyright] from birth will never have been taught, allowed or known how to self-sooth, self-care or self-attain safe haven, everyone needs to know how to Self-sooth (baby's suck their thumbs it's innate, but we loose it as we get older if it is forbidden, made to seem negative punished or negatively reenforce), Self-care (if we are not nurtured as infants or shown how to properly care for our basic needs, if these things are punished or made to seem selfish or vain, not provided the means or time is not allotted for them...how would you even know what to do, or feel you should learn. If no one ever attended to your needs in an empathetic way, cared that you were hurt or hurting emotionally, if no one ever provided you the understanding for positive feed back that was really are you ok?... HOW WOULD YOU EVER LEARN HOW TO CARE FOR YOU OR HOW IMPORTANT IT IS
These are the issues that when you start to feel so isolated and alone that no one care that, what hurt you damaged an intricate part of your inner soul...
You disassociate and start to wonder if you are here, if you are real, if your matter, if anyone cares anymore this is the point where if you don't seek help, if you don't have anyone to catch you when you fall this hard...you will do anything to feel something
This is what the major cause of self-harm, harm- ideation or even suicide.
YOU NEED TO GET HELP... not tomorrow, not in a week, not when you can afford it and not when you feel up to it...NOW
Come see us, send us a message, TODAY, we can Skype, chat or have a personal one to one meeting in our comfortable healing home...you have a safety net, one that cares about you, one that understands you...one that is trying to reach out to bring you out of that dark cave.
WE CARE www.inkfluenceofart.com / inkfluenceofart@gmail.com